Lost, Found And Lost Once More
by Cerih
Summary: My take on some of the evens of 'One Way', and some things that weren't quite there. Spoilers of the episode but nothing else.


Disclaimer: I don't own Nikita.

Spoilers for One Way.

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Lost, Found And Lost Once More

The moment her informant mentioned Kassim's name, her heart jumped. She knew who he was, knew exactly what kind of pain he had inflicted on Michael. It was pain that she herself could sympathise with. Her first thought was that somehow she would have to help him find his revenge. She felt a certain kind of loyalty towards Michael, despite their differences. He deserved this chance of closure.

It was only later than it occurred to her that this could also be an ideal opportunity to persuade Michael to view her cause more sympathetically. Since she had come out of hiding, their encounters had been rather hectic, with no opportunity for her to gauge his feelings towards Division as it stood these days. Before she had even finished assessing the dangers of going after Michael, she had already booked her flight tickets.

Finding Michael was the easy part, confronting him much, much harder. Being face to face with him, even if he was pointing a gun at her, made old memories stir within her. Feeling the full heat of his burning eyes on her made her heart beat just a little faster. She was even more unprepared for the hurt Michael caused by saying that he did not trust her. She had to look away, for she did not want him to see the pain reflected in her eyes. It was easier just to keep talking, to remind herself as well as him of why she was there.

They fell into the familiar habits of working together like there had not been years since they had last been on a mission together. Their skills complemented each other and now they had much more experience in different situations. She found it strange to pore over intel side by side and discuss strategies. Even stranger was how easily they had slipped back to light banter and teasing one another. For brief moments, it was like they had never been apart.

It was an accidental brush of fingers that led them to take the inevitable next step. She had partially seen it coming, in the way their eyes lingered on one another and how they seemed to instinctively gravitate closer together. As their fingers touched on the barrel of the rifle, she felt a tremor run through her. He must have sensed it too, for she found him looking at her with eyes that had suddenly gone very serious. Moving as one, they closed the inches between them.

The first kiss was a mere brush of their lips together, tentative at best. Nevertheless, the rightness of it made her tremble. He felt her shivers and pulled back to regard her. When she only returned his look, he put his arms around her and gently coaxed her forward until she was sitting on his lap. The next kiss was more assured and offered a glimpse of the passion that they finally allowed themselves to feel.

Their love making was unhurried and gentle. Even in the middle of a mission, they took time to explore one another and commit each curve and taut muscle to memory. She was amazed by how well they fitted together and he seemed to share her awe. It has been a long time since either had slept with someone, much less made love to someone they genuinely cared about. Despite this, they found a slow, easy rhythm and moved together for what seemed like forever, not losing eye contact until the very end.

Afterwards, they lay in each other's arms, covered only by a single sheet against the chill of the room. They still had not spoken, but merely regarded one another with serious eyes, both wondering the same thing. What next? Once this mission was over, they would go back to America. He would then be Division once more, and she the enemy. Would they go back to thwarting one another's plans, or would there some kind of covert truce between. Would there even be stolen moments like this, in a hotel somewhere, or even in Michael's flat? They both pondered these questions and neither had the answers.

When she returned to the hotel room, desperate for a way to find Michal, she barely glances towards the bed where they had made love so recently. Despite their careful planning, the mission has been a disaster and now Kassim had taken Michael. It never even occurred to her to cut her losses, or to revenge Division's interference by abandoning Michael. She was determined to do whatever it took to find him.

She knew she had already lost him when he drove away, abandoning her on the dark road. It pained her to find that Michael's thirst for revenge meant more to him that their time together, but in the end she of all the people could hardly blame him. Yet she felt she had to try, even if it did mean showing him just how vulnerable a position he had placed her. She reminded him that he still had her to live for, but his only response was the static hiss of a disconnected com unit.

So she had one final choice to make. Let him die, or make him survive. She knew he would hate her if she ruined his last chance to kill Kassim, but she knew he was already lost to her. In the end, his life mattered more, even if it meant making an enemy out of him. She was not prepared however how much the hatred in his eyes hurt her, when he realised why he had been taken alive. She never got a chance to explain, but then she doubted he would listened anyway.

They had left America fighting on the opposite sides of her war, and thus they also returned. It was only when she was back home, sitting by her computer stroking Michael's knife that she was able to take in everything that had happened. It was only than that she let the tears fall for the loss of the man she had fallen in love with so many years ago.


End file.
